Mandy Law When everything’s dandy, you never question what you believe in. I was blessed to be born into a Christian family with loving and caring parents who swept me away religiously (no pun intended) to Sunday school every week to learn more about this perfect friend, Father and Saviour Jesus. And when you’re young you don’t question what you’re taught, you take it all in with wide-eyed expressions of wonder that a lame man could be healed and dead men could be called from the tomb – even when your teachers are speaking in Chinese and you don’t understand a word they’re saying, but the pictures and activities make it all worth it. So even as young as perhaps 7 or 8 I’d pray to this seemingly remote being for the things that mattered to children – that my tummy ache would get better, that I’d find that very expensive library book that I’d lost and that my mother wouldn’t find out that I’d been picking on my sister. But as you’re getting that little bit older, and your mind is becoming more developed and complex – you begin to question those values which you previously took for granted. I specifically remember waking up one day and my first thought wasn’t ‘oh my gosh it’s really cold’ or ‘I have to turn that stupid alarm clock off’ but rather, and surprisingly for someone so young ‘why do I get up every day, what’s the point?’ This was only a few years ago – when the shelter that your parents (and a certain private school) built for you begins to crumble, when you see people around begin to break what you took as the norm - that I began to truly – not doubt as such – but question vigorously the values that living a Christian life entailed. On the outside I was still very much a ‘Christian’. I still defended the faith at school and said grace and attended Sunday services but in the back of my mind were lingering questions that needed answering. And it is my belief that when you don’t actively seek to answer these questions and quell your doubts – you leave your mind open to attack by temptation and sin. It was during this most vulnerable period that I begin to take God for granted – and I began to sin knowing that He would forgive me regardless of how serious the situation was. This period lasted not weeks, but months and years – and I didn’t seek support from friends or family because I was so ashamed of myself. Here was me, daughter of a Christian family, reasonably well respected in the community and yet I was becoming more depraved by the day. On the outside I had a façade on that indicated to all others that I was just lovely, but truthfully I had never before felt so lonely in my life. I had completely shut Jesus out of my life, and despite yearning for his comfort and companionship, I just couldn’t forgive myself for sinking to such bottoms. In particular during this time, I had done something – not just once but repeatedly – that I could not put behind me, and my guilt plagued me continually. The turning point for me was the Easter Service of last year. It was only then that I realised that I had been cheapening the grace that Jesus offers us. I had felt that what I had done was unforgiveable, that no act in the world could take away my guilt. That service was the one that Winnie lead with those in the Chinese congregation where we were asked to write down something we had done that we were not proud of on a piece of paper with what seemed to be blood smears across it – and we were to burn it at the foot of the Cross. It was in that moment that I truly understood that that was the beauty of God’s grace. That all I had to do was ask for forgiveness and he would grant it regardless of what we had done because His love for us was and is so great – it is truly immeasurable and unimaginable. Ever tried thinking of eternity? Never beginning and never-ending. His love is like that, and it never ceases to amaze me. So when Uncle Ming began to call for alter call last October, I had no doubts as to what my decision would be – I would be giving my life to Jesus Christ who paid the wages for my sin. Before my acceptance of Jesus as my Saviour, my life was constantly burdened by guilt and steeped in sin. Upon giving my life to Christ, I could feel that weight lifted off my shoulders, and a newfound enlightened outlook on life. I truly don’t think I have ever been so happy and carefree. I have begun to see the Holy Spirit in my life – especially when I know I’ve done something wrong (like swear) and I cringe and instantly know I shouldn’t have done it – but I’m getting better and I’m just enjoying this new life I have in Christ and the certainty and joy that He brings. ‘But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy made us alive with Christ even when you were dead in transgressions – it is by grace you have been saved.’ - Ephesians 2:4 - 5 text text/xml 11 April 2008 Spiritual Sharing English